Growing up I had a great life with loving parents, a sister who always let me tag along and showed me the way! Friends who became family, a pretty harmless high school experience and an authentic joy for life!
Maybe having very little complications growing up is why God led me down this windy path. A journey in which I’d find myself years later struggling to start a family of my own, going through years of fertility treatments and later being tasked to dig as deep as I could to fight a battle I never saw coming.
Even through all of this, I have been learning to love my entire story even though some of my chapters have been less than ideal, but let’s be honest, most of us can relate to this in one way or another!
As someone who had a hard time getting pregnant, I feel that once I was blessed to carry my baby I had a much deeper appreciation for this miracle than if I had not gone through the challenge to get there!
Each moment seemed surreal, every announcement to family and friends brought me to tears, each movement in my belly was scary and fascinating all at the time!
Even though I remember how grateful I felt during my 41 week experience carrying my baby boy, there are a few things I wish I could tell my pregnant self had I known I would never feel a movement in my belly again.
Dear my pregnant self,
You are beautiful. You are creating a miracle. You are growing the biggest blessing and your proudest accomplishment as we speak!
Take it in, don’t take a single second for granted! The last couple years you have been an open book, becoming a shameless truth teller to let others know they aren’t alone in their struggles.
There are so many of your friends and family struggling to start their family too, crying each month they feel Mother Nature take her course, feeling helpless and hopeless as you once did. Take their hand, and bring them with you because they need you.
Three years from now, you will get news that you will not be able to provide Dawson with a biological sibling and it will bring you to tears and drop you to your knees. You will review every decision you made to have all the surgeries which single handedly play the role in not bringing new life into the world. It will be difficult to not blame yourself for not being able to provide this for your family, but what it won’t do is break you!
Instead, what tries to make you powerless will actually give you hope and courage to share your story to help others grow in strength! It will lead you down a path you always had in the back of your mind and begin an Entirely new journey of adoption with the love of your life!
One thing I have learned is that although I don’t believe everything happens for a reason I do whole heartedly believe that every moment serves a purpose!
Turns out I’ve got a new story to write, and some of it has a front row view of the past but the backstage pass I have to the future is pretty inspiring! I am beyond excited to continue enjoying the show!